So, the run-up to Easter has been somewhat… Messy.
Last term was hectic, to say the least; with deadlines, disappointments, events and plans; so when the end of term was finally here, we were more than ready to have the holidays at hand. Just enough time to work slowly, but unwind; though I have to say unraveling wasn’t exactly what I’d had in mind! For whilst I celebrated the season by attacking my Thyroid; Husband (so competitive!) decided to eject his appendix too. (Not an ideal combination, really; I don’t think we thought it through…)
I had attempted to “Learn to Meditate Through Lent”, and lasted a grand total of…three days. We’d missed about three weeks of church and giving up self-pity, it turned out, was also a phase.
I guess you could say that this year, (and let’s hope it’s the last one- or that’s gonna be awkward!) we really weren’t prepared – physically or Spiritually- for Easter.
Thankfully, however; we had made the necessary practical arrangements. You know, parentally, we’d thought ahead. So I was confident- in fact, I was sure- that we were, in that sense, ready for Easter.
That is, until…
“Babe… Did you eat one of their eggs?”
“Pardon?!” (Reddening. But he can’t see me, so there’s still time.)
“There’s only one egg here… I bought two?” (Cos he does the shopping remember? #badwife)
“Yes… But only because I was editing your dissertation!” (Always a chance it’s actually his fault. #superbadwife)
(I rush to the crime scene).
“But I definitely bought another one!” (I did- I absolutely did – but now I’m panicking. #badmother)
“Well it’s not here!”
“Seriously?! Oh crap, where did I put it?!” (I bought one! I did, I did, I did!)
“It’s Ok… Your Aunty bought them the same ones. Where are they?”
“You ate those too?!”(Absolutely, definitely not surprised…)
“Not all to myself!” (That’s it. If you can’t shift the blame, share it. #badfriend)
“Oh, well, you know… Just Mini Mate’s Mum and The Godmother…” (Sounds so much worse than it was…)
“Wow. You had accomplices to steal candy from your own babies?!” (He’s enjoying this!)
“They’re three and one! They do not need that much chocolate!” (See, #goodmother. It was all for their own benefit.)
“Right. Well. The egg hunt should be interesting…” (Smirking. He can’t wait to tell everyone. Tool.)
Twenty minutes to Church on Easter Sunday and I’m still in my dressing gown; flinging clothes and shoes and sheets out of the cupboard like some mad Looney Tunes villain, on a frantic hunt for that third (shush!) replacement egg.
I definitely bought it… Not in the cupboard.
Oh crud, I’m never going to live this down… Not under the bed.
Where on earth did I put it?!… Not in the cupboard.
The little one won’t notice, will he?!… Still not in the cupboard.
The big one can have mine… Stop looking in the flipping cupboard!
Oh, big flipping turd; this is going to be a Sermon illustration, isn’t it?! … Wardrobe!
Finally; with a sigh of triumphant, justified relief; I find that chuffing chocolate egg wrapped up in a pink wig and grass skirt, right at the Narnia-end of the wardrobe. Oh dear God, thank you!
“Yes!” I shout to Husband, aware he can’t actually hear me. “I’M REDEEMED!”
And finally; in that moment; sat on the floor, surrounded by crap and chaos; it hits me. The real, genuine, heart-warming joy of Easter Day takes root.
YES. I am redeemed.
I stick on “Greater” by Mercyme, and dance (very quickly!) in the shower, knowing that Jesus set me free.
And as the day carries on; in my head, I keep on singing. (I recommend a listen – to them of course, not me!)
“There are days when I lose the battle,
But Grace says that it doesn’t matter,
Because the cross already won the war.
So I am learning to run freely,
Understanding just how He sees me,
And it makes me love Him more and more.”
It’s a catchy tune and an even catchier concept; and so I think of it as I chase the toddlers around church, attempting to take it in.
It’s still on my mind as we walk home with friends; most reassuring when Tinker gets so excited by the Gay Pride “FLAGS!!” that she points and shouts… And drops the L.
It’s especially uplifting before lunch, as I plunge the broken sink.
And I remember it over dinner, as Toddler launches his knife and fork right across the table at our guests.
I sing it a little louder in the afternoon, as we successfully- and determinedly- complete our egg hunt in the rain.
Then it’s at the back of my mind over tea, when Tinker insists that I take her to the cinema for “cock-porn.”
And finally, I dance to it as the sink gives way, and Husband and I run bucket relays to the drains outside; picking gravy, lamb and mashy mush out of the plug hole with our fingers.
For we are coming out of our slump now, and I am starting to feel like myself again. But it’s good to know that it makes no difference; that whether we are high or we are low, the cross remains the same.
So happy Easter people!
Whether you’re sinking or you’re cruising.
Whether you know it, knew it, bypassed or blew it;
Whether you’re winning or you’re losing.
For it turns out this Easter message is even crazier than it seemed;
For the Bible says, because of Jesus,
We all- Yes even I!- can be redeemed.