Once upon a time there was a little girl who had a big, giant, ginormous egg on her head.

She trumped!

And the egg rolled off-

Egg!

– and rolled down the hill and all the way into town, where it landed at the feet of…

The Vicar!

The Vicar looked down, picked up the egg and-

IT EXPLODED!

It exploded and a monster popped out and bit off his nose and made a hole in his face! Then it ran round and bit off his bottom while there was poo coming out!

(In the middle of town? How embarrassing…)

Just then the little girl ran down into town and went to help the Vicar.

She picked up the monster and put it in her mouth and said, “don’t worry it’s only bubble gum!”

So she chewed and chewed until she blew a big pink bubble and popped it in the Vicar’s face to fix his nose.

(But what about his bottom?)

She kicked his bottom and it fixed!

(Then she got a poo bag and cleaned up the poo because that’s the right thing to do. Obviously.)

Phew!

The end!

Mummy, guess what?

What?

I have a secret…

Ohhh really?

You know the little girl? That was me!

Really?! It’s a true story?!

Yeah and guess what? The Vicar was Daddy!

Nooooo!

(Well, that explains alot…)