“It’s a shame you’re not blogging this week, Babe,” he says as he picks up two rather fancy looking gift bags from the boot of the car.

I lean in for a closer look.

“Is that… what I think it is?”

He smirks.

“Why the…?”

He can’t keep them in Church, you see, as he can’t enter the building 72 hours before a service. But he needs them for Sunday, and of course the undertakers are closed over the weekend…

So they’re staying with us.

Which is fine. I mean, they’re not bodies. It’s not like he’s bringing corpses home, right? And they’re not souls. There’s no one ‘in there’, so to speak. They’re just… dust. Little coffin-like caskets of dust.

Human dust.

Just hanging out at our place.

Fine. Not weird at all.

I mean, really. I wonder how this has never come up before…?

****

On Monday the kids and I slept out for the first time this year. We went to the H’s for one night only- 20 hours to be precise- as a forerunner for moving week. The kids helped to pack the car and I think they may have been just a little bit excited:

****

Speaking of the H’s…

Movie night. We are watching Aladdin – the live action version- and the evil Jaffar has just sent poor Aladdin off to die a slow and miserable death at the cold and desolate “ends of the Earth!!”

The Boy asks, “Daddy, Daddy, where has he sent him Daddy?!”

Without a beat, Husband sincerely replies, “Devon.”

I snort out my tea!

****

Friday happens.

Oh, Friday!

Finally, finally Friday!

I booked in my shopping day months ago – the day I can actually buy furniture from the British Heart Foundation and have it delivered to our new and empty house! Anticipation is high.

But friends… it gets even better.

Husband has been so miserable and so pessimistic about the thought of moving that I figure he needs some excitement in his life. And what’s more exciting than kitting out a new house, right?! Really, he needs to come shopping. So… lockdown being as it is these days… we drop the kids off at a friend’s house!

We. Drop. Off. The. Kids.

We drive away- without them!

I mean I love them more than life itself, but for the first time in 4.5 months we are in the car alone! We get out. We hold hands. We stand outside the shop, nod to one another and then don our masks like we’re about to stage a heist.

We get inside. Husband makes eyes. I look down and pull out my tape measure, detailed notebook and diagrams. He pretends he doesn’t know me.

But we find a sofa! And a bunch of other trashy-treasure!

It is so exciting that we even go for a milkshake to celebrate. Alone!

And do you know… I really do think he looks happier!

****

Just as well really, as Operation House Clear is hotting up. This weekend we cleared the loft. The Eldest picked up the Christmas Decorations and found two elven squatters sleeping under the baubles….

Apparently they lost their way to the North Pole?!

Still, explains all the potential Christmas presents up there too…

****

And finally…. Sunday is upon us. As Husband sat updating his Social Media feed this evening, I heard a gasp and a gaffaw as he deleted whatever he had just written:

“Blimmin’ predictive text! Just told the congregation that if they want to come to Church on Sunday, “bonking is essential!”

I’ll leave that one with you…

Night! 😉