Two are better off than one, because two have four knees between them. And four knees between three kids feels like alot of knees. Which is nice.

Two are better off than one, because if Three and Four start fighting, then we can just divide and conquer.

Two are better off than one because One can go back to bed for an hour, whilst Two packs the lunch. Then Two can go back to bed for an hour whilst Three, Four and Five get dressed, then we can all go out and everybody wins.

Two are better off than one, because One can vulture a table at a wet and windy half term attraction, whilst Two umbrellas-it at the play area, waiting for the signal to “go go go!!!”

Two are better off than one, because one can queue whilst the other guards; one can toilet whilst the other eats; and both can spoon and wipe and referee!

Two are better off than one because Three, Four and Five can have two eyes on just them from time to time- which is really nice.

Two are better off than one because One can park the car and miss the show, whilst Two pushes the pram at a leisurely pace. One can also remember all of the things that Two forgets, and Two can forget all of the things that it’s pointless to remember now.

Two are better off than one because Good Cop, Bad Cop.

Two are better off than one because Bad Cop doesn’t feel half as bad when Good Cop ever-so-briefly loses the will with an ever-so-willful toddler too.

Two are better off than one because One can frantically Google whilst Two tuts at the map, whilst Three, Four and Five threaten to simultaneously combust because it’s tea time during half term and we both forgot to book a table.

Two are better off than one because One can bounce the baby, whilst Two attempts to play I Spy, as Three, Four and Five endure the longest “fifteen minutes” in Pizza Hut History. (Not a great decoy, in hindsight, when all the tired and hungry kids can actually spy is pizza and ice cream!)

Two are better off than one because One can man the drinks machine, whilst Two wrestles the salt shaker off Five and Three and Four fill their bottomless boots. Two are also better off than one, because their four eyes can meet across the sticky, wet table and telepathically thank God that they’re alive.

Two are better off than one because One can shoulder Five, whilst the other pushes Four, and they can both keep a safe and comfortable distance from Three, who is screaming at strangers and cartwheeling off her ice cream. They can also swap kids on request without so much as a song or dance, never mind a broken back.

Two are also better off than one because Two can stop and take lots of lovely photos, knowing that all are taken care of.

How does One do school holidays alone?

A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

… better start praying for summer!

***

(*This post is a follow-up to the somewhat different Beaster Holidays we “enjoyed” 6 weeks ago, and is based on Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12, which is in the Bible. ;)